Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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