She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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