So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
