i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
