ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
