Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
