Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's just like the Real World with babies
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
40s are totally the cure
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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