You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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