i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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