I heard we made out
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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