I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
