the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
