She's JV to your varsity
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize