my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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