things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're like the curious george of whores
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
