is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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