I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
