considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
