A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she told me i tasted like america
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
