i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
be right there i have to get my cape
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
