McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
