woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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