Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
