Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
