Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
