Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
