don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
