I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
