Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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