Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think my tv is drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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