Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
