i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
