go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
