life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
