well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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