I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
