Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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