I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
