do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
