Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize