Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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