RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
