Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
