I cut my penus on the lid.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
