worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
