Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize