I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so let's talk penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
