Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
