Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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