so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
