I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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