He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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