ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
