I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
