Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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