So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
