Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
