Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
