I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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