I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
