And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
