Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
3 2 1 whiskey
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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