Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
