My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
